Against Myself
BY: MARIA MERCEDES CORREDOR, FIU SUMMER 2023
What a journey. I started it feeling excited and hopeful and that is also how it ended. This trip had so many ups and downs. Starting with our time in Rome where it rained every day. This was very disappointing at first because I couldn’t enjoy things the way I had wanted to. When we were walking down the streets, I couldn’t look at buildings or my surroundings because the rain would hit my face, I started the trip looking down to the floor and watching my step. Cold and wet. I got sick very fast and that made it worse. The disappointment and frustration made it very easy for me to get upset and blame the people around me for my troubles. This made my relations with my peers unpleasant from the beginning. However, after reflecting on my actions and my mood, I decided to change my attitude and try to set the tone for better relationships throughout the trip. I kept telling myself that it was nobody’s fault I got sick, or that the weather was unfavorable. It was something we were all trying to cope with, so I put on my best attitude every day and tried my best to enjoy every moment and I can still say that I loved and enjoyed Rome!
Nonetheless, keeping a positive attitude turned out to be a difficult task as there were situations that would very easily disturb my peace. I realized I am not used to following someone’s directions without question. And that was the hardest part for me. I am a very independent person; I’ve had to be. Several situations in my life had forced me to learn to take care of myself and make big decisions on my own. I have been on my own, in a different country, for some time now and that has only reinforced that. Following the professor around Italy, sometimes without knowing exactly where we were going or what time the train was leaving, gave me a lot of anxiety. And I didn’t realize this until we were in Cinque Terre and we got those days to reflect on the trip. From there on, letting go was easier. Once I had recognized that the root of my bad mood was not having control over what happened, I changed strategies. Instead of telling myself: “It’s ok, just act happy and you will be happy”; I started telling myself: “Just go with it, you can’t control anything but that’s ok”. That is how I was ultimately able to turn my mood around and start making lasting relations.
The entire trip was a huge learning experience. The academics were just part of it. I am fascinated with the history and the facts that I learned will forever be engraved in my memory. But I think the most important lesson for me was a personal one. It was to resign to my ego and let go of the feeling of control. To reflect on my own behavior and look deep within myself for an answer to improve. I truly think I came back to Miami a better person than I left, mostly because of the many times I butted heads with my peers and was obligated to grow and mature by correcting behaviors and letting go.
Picture by: Unknown. Me and my friends in Venice
