My Goliath
FLORENCE, SUMMER 2023
Michelangelo’s David has attracted the attention of historians and tourists worldwide. As a study abroad group in Florence, we could not leave it outside our route. I had heard so many things about it and had seen countless pictures, but nothing compared to the feeling I got walking down that hallway towards David. This 17-feet structure is on the Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, at the end of a hall that has other Michelangelo works on both sides. So, as you are walking towards the massive work of art, you are surrounded by Michelangelos unfinished works. Statutes that look like they are trying to come out of the marble but don’t quite manage to free themselves. And at the end there is David. Completely free and alive. Mighty. His veins seem to pulsate with life and if you look at him long enough, he will talk to you. He will tell you about his fears and ask about yours.
Many historians have tried to describe Davids’s situation and the consensus seems to have two sides: is he preparing for the fight or is he celebrating his victory? Personally, I think he is neither. He hasn’t conquered Goliath since he is not portrayed glorious over his rival’s head. But he is also not sitting around waiting for him nor picking the perfect rock by the river. To me he is in the middle of the fight. In the thick of it. Standing tall, slingshot and rock in hand. Looking at his opponent as if trying to measure the distance between them. Afraid but careful in thought, calculating the right spot, time and position to strike. I can notice his struggle, his doubts, his courage. I see him and I see me. And cannot help but think of my own tribulations, my Goliath.
Maria and David in conversation. Picture by: John Bailly
I didn’t realize how scary study abroad until I was in Italy. The idea of going to a new country with new people and spending the summer there sounded really exciting in the beginning. Visiting historic places and learning cool facts about them was what drove me in the first place. I never thought the trip would be so challenging. The challenge started physically. Two years ago, I was in a wheelchair and couldn’t walk; after treatment and physical therapy, I have been able to recover and so I prepared for the trip accordingly, or so I thought. I purchased the hiking bag that we were recommended and even practiced carrying it around in my house. However, two days into the trip my back was giving out. I was in Paris and could not get out of bed because of the pain. Determined not to miss anything of the wonderful city and make all the tourist reservations, I took some pain killers and later bought a small suitcase (carry-on size). I divided my stuff between the suitcase and the backpack and kept going.
However, when I got to Rome, the pain came back. This time it was worse since I also got the flu and had to attend class. The first week of class I was absolutely misserable. We had to walk around 10 miles a day and it was cold and raining. On several occasions I attended lectures with a fever and had to keep myself drugged up with ibuprofen. Until finally, the morning we had to go to the Vatican, my body gave out. After a night of restless sleep, I woke up shivering and with crimpling back pain. That day I had to skip class and now on top of the physical challenge, I had an emotional burden. I felt like a failure. Like I was missing out on all these wonderful things that my classmates were doing just to stay in bed. I was angry and disappointed at my body for not holding on a little bit longer and needing a break. And the comments of the people around me did not help. “This is so cool!” or “My favorite place ever!”. Feeling like a miserable failure was not what I thought studying abroad would be like.
And so, finding a way to enjoy this trip became my Goliath. One that came unexpectedly because I thought fun and joy just happened while you are abroad. But now I see myself as David, in the middle of a fight. Battling my own body and thoughts of failure and disappointment.
